How To Be Confident! A Psychologist Explains [2021 Update]

A happy woman living the good life

Ahhhh, self-confidence. I could be wrong, but I think this is one of the top 3 struggles of everyone in our world today. With society constantly telling us what we “should” and “should not” look like or what we “should” be achieved, it is easy to be convinced that you are failing in some area of your life.

I was on the phone with a friend of mine the other day and she asked me something that kind of shocked me. She asked me, “How are you so confident?”… Woah. The reason I was shocked by this question was that I hadn’t realized that my confidence in who I am was so grounded to the point that it was evident to others. While my lack of self-confidence was something I remember bringing to God years ago, it was sadly also something I forgot God delivered me from. It wasn’t my main focus anymore, so I lost sight of that victory for a moment. While there’s grace in that, I am so grateful it was brought to my attention by my friend because now I can share that victory with all of you.

While insecurities can still pop up from time to time, the counterargument to those insecure thoughts (which are lies, btw) is what makes the difference.

Don’t workout/diet because you hate your body, but do it because you LOVE your body. Love and accept your body through its changes.

Personally, this mindset was a game-changer for me. Since high school, when I really started my fitness journey and started going to the gym consistently, my mindset was to work out and eat well so I can “look better, so I can finally be happy when I look in the mirror”. I don’t think I’m alone in that mindset either, but it is a dangerous and unhealthy mindset to have. This is also a problem I ran into again during this stay-at-home period. I realized how much weight I had gained since last year and it made me upset. I found myself wanting to do all these intense workouts because I didn’t like the way I looked and comparing myself to people who had hourglass abs. Spoiler alert: all that did was make me feel worse about myself.

Working out solely to “look better” won’t actually motivate you to work out. I’m more motivated to do workouts on the days I decide to do a type of workout I WANT to do, not one that will make me “skinnier”. Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t work out at all and that you shouldn’t challenge yourself. What I am saying is to take the pressure off of yourself for a bit. Have healthy goals but don’t be upset with yourself if they take longer than expected. Continue to be active but in a way that you actually enjoy it. Don’t do super intense workouts every day and only eat salads so you can be “summer ready”. Go for a walk, ride your bike, do yoga! You can be active and healthy while not running your body into the ground.

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What Am I?

Let’s not forget where our identity comes from! Do not look for validation from Instagram likes or people of this world. That was something I was guilty of doing and have to catch myself when I find myself doing it today. I had to remind myself where TRUE validation comes from. All that really matters is what God thinks of us and who He says we are. After all, we are His creation, and God doesn’t make mistakes. You are handcrafted by the same person who created sunsets, sunshine, flowers, and all the stars in the sky. How cool is that?

Other tips/ resources:

  • Keep reminders around your room of who God says you are.
  • Declare Self-Affirmations over yourself every morning. By doing this at the start of your day, you can have those truths at the forefront of your mind.
  • Keep someone (or multiple people) around you who you can be vulnerable with and who speak life over you. Tell them the insecurities you deal with and walk through your thoughts with them.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others! I know it’s easier said than done.
  • Read Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick! This book covers all of the lies your mind will tell you, including insecurity.
  • Listen to You Say by Lauren Daigle

Shambhavi Singh

Hi! My name is Shambhavi Singh and I am from Lucknow, UP. I am completing my graduation from the Amity University at Noida with a B. Des in Fashion Design! Hook 'em ;) No matter what brought you to my blog, I am so glad you are here. I really want this to be a space where I can create content that will reach and relate to other people in a positive way.

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